Life is good – Keep going!

Time carries me along in its wake, at times pushing me on ahead, at times holding me high – too high – as I skim atop the crest, always fast, always breathless. These waves are big and they keep me moving me so that I barely remember to look around, to notice my surroundings. Birthdays, holidays, game days, they all pass in a blur as I try to keep up.

I remember my months off work as though they were part of another life. I haven’t forgotten what it was like to be at home, simply writing and thinking and breathing. For months, all I was able to manage was getting up, getting my son off to school, making it through the day. I was piecing myself together back then, working hard to build myself back up, to make myself whole.

And I did. I did make myself whole. I did find strength. I did learn a lot about how far I can bend before I break.

I have taken that experience into the present, into this life. I may not always apply the lessons I learned, but I am conscious of what I am doing, aware when I am compromising my boundaries, my health, my family, my sanity.

So far, I have been able to bow out before everything goes too far, though there are times that I have cut it fine.

I have thrown myself into my work, I’ve been able to enjoy it, to really think deeply and creatively. I no longer feel that it is at odds with my morals and values, which is a significant improvement. And I return home each day certain that I have worked my hardest and done my best. Sometimes I’m late, and ragged, but I haven’t missed any meals with my family and I have generally managed to put work aside to focus on the people sitting across the table from me.

And, so far, I’ve managed to keep writing. Mostly. There were a few months that I was really overwhelmed, but I’ve managed to pull myself back, to carve out that time and brain space. At my busiest, in November, I somehow managed to write every day. It was extremely satisfying to reach the end of that month and note that achievement.

So here I am, on the cusp of a new year. I haven’t always remembered the goals I set for 2015 but I am happy, and satisfied, with what I made of the year – my 40th year.

And for 2016? I will continue to work on the never-ending project that is life.

I will continue to strive to be better, stronger, to be me.

I will continue to speak my truth.

I will continue to work on living with my anxieties and not being ruled by them.

I will continue to find comfort in the people and the things I enjoy.

I will continue to write.

I will continue to remind myself that life – this life, my life – is good. Not perfect, not easy, but good.

I will continue.

 

Happy New Year, everyone. May 2016 bring you happiness, health and a sense of satisfaction.

 

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2 thoughts on “Life is good – Keep going!

  1. Happy New Year! Wonderful reflection, and such a positive list of “I wills.” It’s true that life is a never-ending project, and I love that way of looking at it.

    • Thanks – Happy New Year to you! The “I will” approach is my positive spin on what can at times be frustrating – all the things I find I have to continue to work on 🙂

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