Making Do

These days, I can barely keep up.

Having said that I could handle more work at the office, I now have too much. The job itself is interesting but my brain is tired by the time I get home. More than tired. I watch writing challenges pass me by in blogland, make half-hearted attempts to start entries for them, but more often than not, I just don’t have it in me to finish whatever I start. I work on them bit by bit, but I just can’t will myself to do any more than I am.

As if the brain exhaustion part of the job wasn’t enough, I will soon be travelling to Geneva for a week – also for work. Now, Geneva is lovely and I’m looking forward to seeing it again, this time in the warm weather (last time it was a chilly, grey March). I’m even more excited because the trip is related to my favourite file at work, the one that keeps me going back for more.

But, still.

It’s a lot to balance with all the home things, too: birthdays, soccer starting up (for the kid, not me), making dinners and lunches, gardening (ok, my husband does more of that these days than I do). Anyway, you know, the routine.

I’m not complaining. It sounds like I am and maybe I am a bit. But really it’s more that I’m explaining myself. I feel like my writing sounds half-assed. So if you were wondering, now you know why.

I hate that I can’t really write like I had been but I guess what did I expect, right? I mean, returning to work after 15 months off…at some point things were going to ramp up and the personal writing was going to suffer a bit.

But there are those great moments that re-energize me, inspire me, lift my spirits. Like the lovely moment I took for myself yesterday at lunch down by the river. I wrote a poem there, or half-wrote one. But, you know. It’s not in any state to post. Yet. Still, I wrote it.

And today on my way home, I saw my son playing in the park as I passed by. I didn’t say anything for a moment. Just perched on my bike in the cool sunshine and watched him kicking a ball around with two other kids. Running back and forth, screaming in delight, laughing. Unguarded. Unaware.

This was a breakthrough moment for him. For our area. Kids don’t play in parks anymore, or on sidewalks. It’s been something we’ve struggled with, the kidless neighbourhood we’ve found ourself in. But miraculously, this seems to be changing, just in the past two weeks.

The other day, two boys from around the corner started scootering up and down in front of our house. My son joined them and has since knocked on their door a few times to see if they’re free to play. And today, different kids, in the park no less.

It’s almost enough to make up for the fly-by-night writing.

At least it’s inspiring, even if it’s in a different kind of way.

So here I am, back to basics, back to the way I used to blog. It’s freeing. It’s stress management. It’s sharing with you how things have been going.

Thanks for listening.

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6 thoughts on “Making Do

  1. This is so hard. the balance of everything, and how it changes for us so often. I’m glad to hear how you are though, back to basics! Just time to redefine the goal of the blog I guess, and as a way for managing stress is a good thing. Those inspiring times will still come, I’m sure of it…just in my experience for the last year of working again, they come a little more randomly, and a little less often…but at least you have your safe spot to write and be heard :).

    • Thanks, Robin. I had you in mind a bit as I wrote this, wondering what your wisdom would be since you’re that much more used to balancing it all. Also, I thought of you because I’ve been managing 2 runs and 1 yoga a week – so important but squeezes out the writing time even more. As you say, though, back to basics! There is something very freeing about taking a break from writing to blog, if that makes sense.

      • Your last line makes perfect sense! And I’m so glad you have built that exercise routine in–yes, making sure you keep moving definitely conflicts w/writing goals…..I have been thinking a lot about where I want to go w/this too—honestly, I go back to that post I wrote last fall in Oct. about balance and feel like that’s all I think about– it rings true loudly today. The “switching costs” of doing to much. Really, I don’t do anything all that well right now. With fitness, I’m sticking to the plan–but that’s it–I do what I need to do everyday, nothing more, and don’t feel like I am as in shape, so have to live with that (sadly!), and tight jeans. Have messed up at work because I’m not always there. Have been half-hearted in volunteer stuff. There for my son of course, but what 2 posts in 6 months on writing? When all my renewals came up on the blog a few months ago, I had to think about it –do I want to pay again for all the no-ads, domain name, etc…. where do I want to go with this? My thought eventually–keep the blog going. When the mood hits, I’ll keep at it. Think it’s just a matter of making the pacing work for us, however random, so we still feel the freedom and desire and sense of pride when we can put some of those words out for others to see when we can…but not have the blog be a “must” that causes stress of failure when we can’t get to it.

  2. I hear you. Really. I haven’t written in a few weeks (well, at least not on the blog) and even today when a dream inspired me to sit down and write, I debated if I should use the time that way or not. I’m tired and stretched, too. But, I’m glad I did. It was therapeutic. I do sometimes wonder why I continue to blog at all since I am doing nothing to “promote” the blog or my “presence” anymore, but I think it’s because I have a feeling that a handful of people are out there reading, people whom I’ve touched or reached in the past, and for those few it’s worth it to show up, even if it’s only now and again. Safe travels!

    • Yes! It was so good to sit down this morning and see a post from you on my Reader. Reader. Huh. That’s a novel concept. I haven’t checked that out regularly in forever. I want to get back to that. I started my blog for myself originally and have found what you describe – that the simple act of blogging is beneficial to me and that there is a handful of long-term readers who read and comment and that makes me smile. It always makes me smile to read one of your posts, too 🙂

    • I’m glad you still show up Jen–and am one of your “handful of people”–I also am not in the habit of checking the reader anymore so should sign up for yours via email now…

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