this is NOT diary of a wimpy kid

january 4, 2015

kids are always in a hurry to grow up. i know because i used to be like that too when i was young. but not anymore. now I know that growing up doesn’t mean things get better or easier or more fun.

here’s an example: i have more chores now than i did a year ago and i still don’t get to stay up late.

is that fair?


my friends have no clue. their biggest wish is to get older faster, and maybe to have more video games. but boy are they in for crushing disappointment when they find out how good they had it, well, how good they have it, now.  they’d never believe me if i told them that it’s all downhill from here.

look at today for instance. i’m out in the freezing rain by myself. i waited for the snow to come all through the Christmas holidays. that’s two weeks of reading and playing board games inside and, alright, some pretty awesome movies. but after a while, all you want is an excuse to go outside, right?

so, here i am on the last day of holidays, finally outside. the snow fell all through the night, but now it’s raining on top of that. not great, but still, it was exciting to just be able to do something outside. i made some snowballs and a fort and i whooped and hollered a bit. i was sure that would bring mum out to shush me, but it didn’t. so I’m kind of bored again.

when i was little, and i guess because i was an only child, mum would come out to play with me. she’d shovel with me and toboggan and walk around the neighbourhood, even have a snowball fight. but now that i’m almost ten she doesn’t really do that anymore. because i’m old enough to make my own fun.

see? getting older sucks. why was i ever in a rush? why are all the other kids in a rush?

i figure i’d better hold onto being a kid as long as i can. so do you know what i do to get out of having extra responsibilities?

(this is a huge confession, but here goes.)

i try to screw things up. like, chores and stuff around the house. mum says dad is a neat freak but he says he’s just precise. i don’t understand why he can’t be both. anyway, he likes things done just so. i know if i really screw things up, i’ll get in trouble. but if i kind of screw things up, like do them mostly but then get a bit lazy at the end, he’ll come along and fix everything for me. i have to get the right balance, though, or all the free time i worked so hard for will be taken up writing lines and doing long division.

this is the only way i can think of to keep my kid privileges a little longer, to get something back.

so, moral of the story? this is as good as it’s going to get, kids. have fun now! stop trying to be older.

ok, that’s enough serious thinking for one day. grandma always says, “what’s that burning smell?” which means “you’re thinking too hard.” and she has it right because she’s at the end and can look back over all those years. she understands this whole thing about it being better to be a kid. i’m going to listen to her and hide before someone finds something for me to do!




12 thoughts on “this is NOT diary of a wimpy kid

  1. So much truth to this, Silver! I love the conversational banter of a 10-year-old here — it’s so convincing. And the machinations kids will resort to in order to get out of work….hmmm…the same ones we use today. One lesson I learned quickly when I graduated from college and entered the workforce: don’t tell anyone you know how to type. Fun, sweet story, my friend. I love reading your work!

    • Thanks, my friend! A bit of a departure from my usual but it’s what wanted to be told and I figured why not do something different this week 🙂 Glad you found the voice convincing.

  2. Maybe I’m a hopeless daydreamer, but I’d like to think that life happens in stages. I once thought life was over when I started working at age eighteen. Then, I quit work and went to college to study psychology.

    Life was fun again.

    Once I started to settle into an academic regimen, life lost fun again. So, I became a part of a student exchange program, and got to move away from home in the US to study in Cambridge, England.

    Life was really exciting, then.

    Of course, that was a long time ago. When I was about three or four years old, I believed I’d be a kid for the rest of my life–like everyone just came into the world the age that they were. I about lost it when I found out I’d grow old.

    And maybe you’re right. Realizing that, though, I think its important to prove one’s self wrong, and do something in the midst of adulthood to try and make life fun, again. It’s a tough goal, but, once again–I think life happens in stages. If you can’t find some way to enjoy them all, then there goes the very concept of life, on the whole.

    Great story, by the way! To the heart of the matter.

    • There is so much wisdom and truth to what you say. Life should be fun all the way through, we just sometimes forget that along the way. I tell my son rather often to stop wishing he was older and just enjoy the freedom that comes with being a kid. But, as you point out, there is different, interesting fun as you age, too. The key – both at 10 and 40 and beyond – is to enjoy where you are at the moment, rather than wishing you were younger or older. And if you can’t enjoy the now, then maybe you need to go off and find an adventure. Cambridge must have been wonderful!

      Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and insights, and for your kind comment – glad you enjoyed it!

  3. Great story . I thought twelve was old and the end of everything. It is all so true. I can really feel the pain again of it all and my grandmother was my solace.

  4. I couldn’t help but feeling like you were trying to get into your son’s head a little with this. I loved your choices of the lower case and the slang. It felt like reading a pre-teen’s diary.

    • Ah you know me too well, Nate! I was watching him play alone while I was inside writing something else and I had the first lines pop into my head. I decided to go with it because why not use my crazy mother guilt as fodder 🙂 I wasn’t sure if I had it right, but when I went outside, he actually said to me, “You used to play with me, have snowball fights and build snowmen. Why don’t you do that anymore?” I ended up in a snowball fight that day.

  5. This really did sound like a kid was sharing his wisdom with other kids, maybe in his diary or in a written report for school. I too, loved the use of the lower case letters and the way he spoke. It might have even been fun to misspell a few of the words, like a child writing phonetically. Anyway, I really enjoyed this (and I agree with every word he said – I tried some of his suggestions with my chores as a child, and then lived to see my children try the same ones :D).

    God bless you,

    • Thanks for your insights. I did think about misspelling some words, and screwing up the punctuation, too, but I wanted to stop somewhere. Also, my son’s pretty good at spelling so I figured I could get away with that. I think I was just lazy as a kid but my son is definitely with it enough to do all of this 🙂

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