Temair Reborn

I came before the day had risen, new,
the low green hill lay in silence measured,
its gentle rings still draped with misted arms.

Upon this green, kings have taken up arms
have stood on high and watched as each new
age has eyed their domain with motives measured.

Each blade of grass has been acquired and measured
no one comes here now to spread wide their arms,
to breathe in its ancient magic, to soar a-new.

But I, I stand before you new, reborn, waiting to be measured, to be welcomed into your enchanted arms.

 

 

This is my first attempt at writing a tritina. I’m still working on a fuller sestina. It’s a great challenge and I would welcome your constructive criticism as I’m still learning about how to work within these constraints. I’m sure that the issues I had with this piece are reflected in the longer one.

Advertisements

14 thoughts on “Temair Reborn

  1. I am impressed with your wrestling of words for this tritina (not to mean that there was any odd bends or twists here–I just like alliteration and the working of words together.) Such exercises really flex your muscle.

    • Oh thank you! It really was exactly that: a brain exercise. I’m sure it could be improved upon but after 24 hrs of editing I wasn’t sure how else to twist it. It’s nice to hear that you liked it.

  2. Ha! We should have sucked you into the unofficial editorial tritina slam! (I love this piece- measured is such a fantastic and unexpected word for the theme)

    • Really!? I actually was so convinced that it was awful, I asked Nate to have a look. This was my diversion from the neverending editing of the sestina… Very glad you liked measured.

  3. This is wonderful, Silver. I had to look up “Temair” — because I know so little about mythology — but it simply confirmed what I already read into this piece (which is to say you succeeded in communicating the subject matter): a place of rulers and a new one to claim an old place. I think that’s one of the hardest parts of writing that is confined by rules — effectively communicating meaning. It’s all there in your head but does it make sense to anyone else?? You clearly succeeded. This stanza is particularly lush:

    I came before the day had risen, new,
    the low green hill lay in silence measured,
    its gentle rings still draped with misted arms.

    I love your writing. ❤

  4. I can’t believe I almost missed this! It is gorgeous. I agree with Rowan – “measured” is a brilliant word to repeat.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s