Monkey Speed

kimpeartgratton.com

 

He pushes open the door; he knows this restaurant. With sticky fingers, he grabs the sugar packets, crunching them between hungry jaws. Granules scatter across the floor.

No more crickets! His roar is triumphant, strong, unafraid.

He’s flying high, before the crash.

 

 

 

 

I am indebted to the wonderful writers in the Yeah Write Bronze Lounge whose insights, suggestions and questions helped me rework this piece from its original form:

Matted fur; hands release the latch. He’s done this before. Sticky fingers grab at packets, stuff them into hungry jaws.  

Labels are meaningless patterns as granules scatter across the floor.  

A triumphant roar: Crickets no more! 

He’s flying high, before the crash.

 

 

 

 

 

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19 thoughts on “Monkey Speed

  1. Who can’t get on-board with a monkey rebellion! Nice work. Love that sugar sent the little bugger skyward! Also, you can see the advancement of your story from the original. Great job! TiV

  2. So happy to see this piece on the grid! I can feel those sticky fingers and hear that crunching. Great sensory detail.

  3. Thanks for including the original as well. It was really cool to see the transition/changes you made. Baboons scare me! lol This was very well done.

  4. I loved how, with so little information, you were able to capture the monkey’s sheer delight with his roar of “Crickets no more!” I can’t help but feel pleased for the guy 🙂

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