The Mist on the Road

Silverleaf 24 Comments

The mist rolls in from the sea, transforming wild hedges into layered shadows and creeping between the mountain crags.

A boy walks down the road beyond town, a paper packet of sweets clasped tightly in his hot, sandy hand.

He does not see the baboon until it is upon him.

A 50 word story written for the Weekly Challenge.

Advertisements

24 thoughts on “The Mist on the Road”

  1. Wow! I love the contrast in this piece, Silverleaf: the lyrical start and then the sudden, almost comic, appearance of the baboon. Works really well. xxx

    Reply

    • Thank you for your very helpful thoughts. It’s been so hard writing with only mobile devices that I’ve almost stopped, but the shorter pieces I could focus on. I’m glad you think this piece worked xx

      Reply

  7. The opening set the scene up beautifully. I read this a few times, and I’m not so sure if the appearance of the baboon is a good thing or a bad thing. I like that it’s open that way.

    Reply

    • Thank you, Janna, that’s a lovely compliment. The baboons can be quite vicious but they really only want food, so running into one is mostly just unnerving but it could definitely go either way.

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

Gravatar
WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. ( Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. ( Log Out / Change )

Cancel

Connecting to %s