The Mist on the Road

Silverleaf 24 Comments

The mist rolls in from the sea, transforming wild hedges into layered shadows and creeping between the mountain crags.

A boy walks down the road beyond town, a paper packet of sweets clasped tightly in his hot, sandy hand.

He does not see the baboon until it is upon him.

A 50 word story written for the Weekly Challenge.

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24 thoughts on “The Mist on the Road”

  1. Wow! I love the contrast in this piece, Silverleaf: the lyrical start and then the sudden, almost comic, appearance of the baboon. Works really well. xxx

    Reply

    • Thank you for your very helpful thoughts. It’s been so hard writing with only mobile devices that I’ve almost stopped, but the shorter pieces I could focus on. I’m glad you think this piece worked xx

      Reply

  7. The opening set the scene up beautifully. I read this a few times, and I’m not so sure if the appearance of the baboon is a good thing or a bad thing. I like that it’s open that way.

    Reply

    • Thank you, Janna, that’s a lovely compliment. The baboons can be quite vicious but they really only want food, so running into one is mostly just unnerving but it could definitely go either way.

      Reply

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