Change. I struggle with it.

I am bad with change.

Even when it’s change for good, I take forever to adjust.

It’s like my brain is stuck in molasses.

Or, maybe it’s more like my brain is a large ship. A large ship that takes an awful lot of navy officers a long time to turn around.

So when my husband asked me this morning if I wanted to go away, to South Africa, for a month, next week (NEXT WEEK!), I balked.

Now, I’m not usually one to balk at holidays to lovely foreign places, even if they’re booked last minute. And especially when someone is organizing it and taking me. Even I would generally be thrilled with that kind of change.

But the thing is, I had plans. It’s very unusual for me, but this coming month I actually did. And it’s the changing of plans that throws me.

Not just plans. Plans can be cancelled, but Plans With Others.

Plans that others were counting on me to carry out.

First, there is/was my son’s birthday party. It’s a rather complex and elaborate party involving the Gods of Olympus, swimming and a quest. But he’s actually ok with postponing it. Obviously he’s better at change than me. So, fine. Moving on.

Next there was Easter. I know my mother misses us and I had planned to spend Easter with her. But I called her and explained the situation, and we’ve decided to visit in May instead. Fine again. Great. No pressure. I’m feeling a bit better.

Finally, weekend number three of plans was my friend’s wedding in New York. This is big. We’ve been friends since our mid-teens. It meant enough to her that I was going that she asked me to make one of the speeches. She and her husband-to-be are each asking one friend to make a speech and I was her choice.

Wow. I was touched, honoured, bowled over and had accepted the moment she asked me.

So letting her down felt awful.

She understood, she took it well, but of course she was disappointed, and so am I. I feel awful.

I’ve now cancelled all the big plans and am working my way through the minor ones. The ones that just require rescheduling but no heart-rending let-downs.

The thing is, this was a holiday we were supposed to take a few months ago. There was a family tragedy and we cancelled, but we had to use the tickets within a specified time or lose the money.

This is the only time we can go, for essentially the same price, within our window of opportunity.

It makes perfect sense to go. And it was a holiday we were originally very excited about.

But as I said, it takes me some time to get my head around change.

So tonight, I opened a bottle of wine and sat down with my husband to look at accommodation options.

We’ll be staying in a small town outside Cape Town. Serene, beautiful, seaside. It will be lovely.

Half a day on, I’m starting to come around.

The slow ship has altered its course.

Now I can think about looking forward to this amazing trip.

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5 thoughts on “Change. I struggle with it.

  1. Wow, well your trip sounds so exciting. And can I tell you something: you need the break from routine, a recharge, new scenery ( I think I remember a post about that??) and although you are anxious about the changes, and about cancelling on people, once you get to SA it’ll be worth it. I do get like that too though, anxious about travel and honestly don’t feel comforted until I get in the car with all the bags packed–once there, I know it’s going to happen and there’s nothing else to do but sit and wait to get there. I do want to hear about this b-day party though–that sounds amazing–our family read these days is Heroes of Olympus (we are on the last book now…), I think the quest party sounds super–I hope you do get to re-schedule that. Oh, and maybe you can write something to send to your friends wedding? Maybe another guest can read it for you? You are such a beautiful writer, I bet she would appreciate it…

    • Thank you for this Robin. Your message made me feel much better. You are absolutely right – I do need a change of scenery and I think maybe we both wrote about that earlier in the winter. So that will be good, as will the opportunity/excuse to write a bit more with pen and paper.
      I’m trying to reschedule the birthday party for sometime in May. It’s extremely elaborate; I’ll have to explain it in an email! I also want to ask you about Heroes of Olympus. We’re just finishing the Percy Jackson series and I’ve read mixed reviews about the other series.
      The idea to write something for my friend’s wedding is a brilliant one! I love it 🙂 Thank you!! I may send it to her husband and have him read it out.

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