Dark Days and the Full Moon

Pulling
Tugging
My energy drawn up
Away
Into the heavens above
I’m left below
Shaking
Shaken
Bereft of sleep
Sapped of energy
Days of confusion
Of strange
Disturbing events
Leave me not myself
Beside myself
Anguished
Adrenaline pumping
I slump sideways
And lean on you
Waiting for my heart to slow
And sleep to come
I wait for the disruptive energy
To wane
And life to return
To normal.

 

The past few days have been dark, tiring and difficult. I have wrestled more with my internal demons than I had for a while. I think much of it must come from lack of sleep and though I sit here today, large cup of coffee to my right, after another night of not enough sleep, I feel the shadows starting to recede.

Sometimes, I guess it is just about giving it time, and having the support of those around me, for which I am eternally grateful – and lucky.

My friends warned me when I took stress leave that there would be dark days. I expected it at the beginning, but not three months in.

I think it began with my son taking a horrific tumble from a cantering horse a week and a half ago – he was amazingly uninjured – and the stable owner being rather unsympathetic to the fact that he is only eight and was scared to ride the same horse again. We had a bit of a confrontation, me being the protective mother and her being uncommunicative and uncomfortable with confrontation.

The whole thing left me easily upset, questioning myself, feeling raw and worrying about what others think of me, and whether I create situations based on my perceptions rather than reality. I had a moment, or two, that I felt like Carrie from Homeland.

A few people have suggested that perhaps the past few days of uneasy drifting were related to the recent full moon. I’m not usually unbalanced to such an extent by that energy, but it seems a number of people have had similar reactions over the past week.

Whatever it was, I am finally starting to feel myself again. Today is a new day.

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7 thoughts on “Dark Days and the Full Moon

  1. So sorry to hear about your son and your awful week, Silverleaf. This Full Moon was in Pisces – and was pulling on the watery, emotional side of our psyches. I, too, have felt very very over-emotional and upset. xxx

    • Thank you for this, Alienora. I always feel better when I have some information that helps to explain things a bit more. I’m sorry you have felt the same, though it is nice to know I am in good company.

  2. Interesting, it’s been a dark few days for me too. But for the first time I am really seeing the healing benefits of channeling that into writing. I just finished a fiction short piece that took a lot of the dark thoughts I’d been having and exaggerated them even more into the character I created. It was exhilarating actually! She is a complete basketcase, more than me! 😉 But I also know what a struggle it is to even get to the keyboard on those days sometimes. I, too, come up against the mama bear fear and confrontation. Makes me simultaneously worry about my kids and also feel very alone. Hang in there.

    • Ooooh, sounds like a wonderful story! Have you/will you post it?
      It has been such a struggle to sit down and write for the past few days. Yesterday was the first time I felt like writing again and, in fact, Sunday was the first day since I started my blog that I posted nothing, though I did do some off-line writing.
      It really does help, though, to write it down and also to post it and receive feedback. Thank you 🙂

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