I found myself lying in savasana, well actually supported fish, at the end of my favourite yin/yang class – Monday mornings 9:30-11 – almost completely relaxed. I was surprisingly able to be present today. I love the classes in which the messages from the instructor all seem resonate with my own mental state (read: anguish). This morning, the instructor said something about remembering why you came to this particular class on this particular day, and to hold onto that throughout the practice. Those words worked for me.
Why did I go to this particular class on this particular day? Because I have felt very anxious and panicky lately. I had managed a few weeks ago to calm things down, but lately all the panic has returned. The only thing I think I am doing differently is not making it to as many yoga classes (and responding to more Daily Prompts…but surely that can’t be having a negative effect, can it? I may be addicted…). Last week, for example, I only made it to the Monday morning class. Yin/yang has always been my favourite – just enough yang to grab my attention from whatever negative thing it is focusing on, just enough yin to breathe deeply and pause for a while.
Today, my mind certainly did wander, but I remembered the instructor’s message and kept thinking, “I am only here for this hour and a half, then I will be back out there. I want to enjoy this as much as possible and soak up the calm.” And this helped to bring me back to where I was.
At the end of class, as I lay there in supported fish, I could feel every body part relaxing as the instructor walked us up visually from our toes to the crowns of our heads. And then, I had the strangest sensation. I felt like a bearskin rug, splayed flat and heavy and lifeless across the supporting bolster. Physically, I had managed to relax completely. But I could feel the alertness of my brain – it was as if it was a little alien trapped inside the head of the bearskin rug! It was awake and alive and having all kinds of thoughts. No one thought to tell it to relax. I did my best to think “I am calm,” “I am present,” but I was hyper-aware of everything going on in that room.
I can usually zone out in savasana, I may have even fallen asleep before, but not today. I was very aware of everything: someone was snoring, the air conditioner came on, then when I was used to its white noise, went off, there were sounds of cars and trucks from the street.
I still managed to leave yoga feeling calmer and slightly trance-like…as if the bear rug had come to life…I definitely did benefit from having been there, and been present. That is why I go to yoga after all, and why I think I will have to make an effort to go more often than a measly once a week.
After yoga, I went and sat under the largest, gnarliest willow tree I could find. I absorbed the sun and the warmth and the breeze. It felt as though the tree was my protective canopy, hanging over me with its strength and the wisdom of at least 200 years. It was knobbly and its bark was so rough that it looked like an old wizened face – it was majestic! I thought of all the creatures that rely on it as it stands there, steadfastly, through all kinds of weather and changes. Oh to be like that tree!
Beyond yoga, spending time in nature, and writing, I know that I need to try to do fewer things in the day so that I don’t put myself into a situation in which I am madly trying to rush around, doing more things than I possibly can in my waking hours. And to achieve that, I need to stop feeling like everyone around me is expecting me to do things, and blaming me if they don’t get done. I need to stop trying not to worry about what they think, and just disregard it all completely. Because 9 times out of 10 the pressure is my imagination, and on the rare occasion when they do actually have expectations I can’t meet, those are their expectations and not mine.
Oh, so easy to say, so hard to put into practice.
I guess that’s why I’m still on the edge!
Here’s how others experience the edge:
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- Dinosaur Day | Andante Cantabile
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- It’s a Balancing Act | mentalrollercoaster
- Getting busy | contrailsonmyheart
- 144. On the Edge | kevindeisher
- All I Need to Keep My Head in the Game | Creative Mysteries
- Walking The Precipice | Tony’s Texts
- “On the Edge” | Relax
- On the Edge? « Restawyle
- On The Edge: Finding My Bliss | suzie81’s Blog
- Don’t Even Your Keel With Your Heart | The Jittery Goat
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- Remember to stay in the lines | notsinglebutnothappy
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- I Need Quiet | Hope* the happy hugger
- What Keeps Me Happy | Sincerely, Ms. Roberts
- BOUNCING AND BALANCING | Emotional Fitness
- Daily Prompt: On the Edge | My Atheist Blog
- Daily Prompt – Activity | imexcited
- Gamer/Blogger/Artist | My OCD Diaries
- Even keel. | ayimas
- Writer by Nature, Accountant by Trade – On the Edge | thanks for letting me autograph your cat
- the UNCATEGORISED|Daily Prompt : On the Edge | the TRASH BASH
- Subtle Signals | Spirit Lights The Way
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- Relaxing with Nature | Haiku By Ku
- A House With Four Rooms | Spirit Lights The Way
- On the edge? Teetering on the brink! | Life & Times
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- On the Edge | Geek Ergo Sum
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- Daily Prompt: On the Edge | Imperfectly Perfect
- Cast a Different Course….(wp daily prompt) | Daily Observations
- On The Edge: From DISASTROUS to MIRACULOUS (Part 2) | The Abuse Expose’ with Secret Angel
- Daily Prompt: On the Edge | expandingmiddle
- Daily Prompt: On the Edge | Let There be Peace on Earth
- Daily Prompt: How to Avoid Sea Worms and Cucumbers | One Starving Activist
- Moon With a Moustache… on the edge of a Full Moon | An Upturned Soul
- The place between the night and the day | Vampire Maman
- Balancing the edge. | life on wry
- On the Edge: Today’s Daily Prompt | I solemnly swear i am upto no good!
- Daily Prompt: Off the edge and the ledge | SERENDIPITY
- Daily Prompt: On the Edge | Ruminations from an Introvert
- Just on-edge | cellarfloor
- On Edge? Iron! | Love Those “Hands at Home”
- Daily Prompt: On edge, what do you do? Usually, I jump off! | jennifermarshcurtis
- Daily Prompt: On the Edge | ModrenHippieMom
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- Daily Prompt: On the Edge | LADYBOY PROMPT
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- That Exhilarating Finish | Many More Ripples
- RAMBLING POST | hastywords
- Staying Afloat is Vital to My Wellbeing | djgarcia94
- Amber Edwards
- Calm down, brother | Neva Samaki